1st in a while
Been a while on this one. Don't even know what the last entry was, or when I wrote it, but I've been thinking about writing again for a while now. I just don't write at all anymore - not in journals, not e-mails, not anything. I've been thinking that it does more harm then good - though really, how could it do good?
It seems to me that when I write, not only do I become more open around other people, but I seem to bring forth things from somewhere deep within, that I didn't realize I was thinking about - perhaps subconsciously? -literally until the words come out. This is happening right now, and, well, it's kinda cool :-)
Now I'm not sure if I'll have any chance of writing much, but I would like to give it a try, even if it's just a simple list of what I did that day. I also want to write for me, and not others, so I will likely start a blogspot account or add a password to this or something like that. As much as it is a good idea to let others in - it seems to me that writing my innermost thoughts out, plainly for anyone at all to looks at.. is more just a cry for attention then anything else. If I feel that what I write might be helpful to someone (yeah right) then maybe I'll share - otherwise, it just seems awfully selfish.
How many people left their diaries out for anyone to read before the days of blogs? This has become an age of forcing what should be private onto people who have no business reading about it. But of course, we all suck it up, hoping that we will be mentioned, feeling strangely powerful when we read what seems to be a secret thing - these things that people will write about, assuming that nobody reads their log, these things that they would not talk about in 'real' life.
I don't like the way it feels. It does not feel pure, this peering into others lives.
Zen Habits (http://zenhabits.net) has become somewhat of a favorite spot of mine. It's a good example of somebody sharing his stories and ideas for the benefit of others. It's a positive place, full of good energy, and advice on many things, that actually works. He's not trying to sell the self-help book, or the miracle weight loss program. He simply writes about what works for him, and the reading is inspiring to me - and many others I'd imagine.
Damn noisy printer - you are distracting me.
Life is good. About my only complaint right now, is that work isn't really as interesting as I'd like, and because of this, I'm not putting in as much effort as I should, and I feel bad because I really look up to Chester, and I feel like I'm letting him down. Coming in late when I'm not working on a project I like, taking forever to get anything done because I spend most of the day browsing the net.
Watched Sicko today, and honestly, it made me pretty sick. That is truly a sad sad thing, the American System - and honestly it just mad me mad and shocked that a country could treat it's own citizens in such a way. It's all about the money, and nothing else matters, and the people suffer because of it. What's so great about money anyways? Is it about being better then others? Is it about having power over others? I mean, I get it to a point, but at the same time, how do things get to the point of being that bad, and everyone just goes along with it? The people at the top just keep it going. Doesn't anyone have a conscience? And the poor are kept in line by fear, it's true. Sometimes, the world just seems awfully mixed up.
I'm feeling curious as to whether or not anyone will read this. It's been probably 2 or 3 years since I last posted. Kristen is the only one on my list who ever posts anymore and her posts are locked.
It's getting late, but I have to admit that this writing feels really really good. Maybe it will help me talk to Steph. It's not that I have anything pressing that I want to talk to her about, it's more that I just don't feel like I have anything to talk about. Writing here brings out some of the things that would probably be fun for conversation. Guess we'll see.
Maybe again tomorrow.
11:54 pm - January 27, 2008
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