The Druid's Keep

Hi. Look! an entry made before midnight, isn't that amazing... I just noticed that the pictures from the digital camera are actually stamed with the exct time the piture was taken - it's a special catergory all to itself, I never knew that picture files could contain so much advanced info - including f number and exposure info and stuff kinda like an id3 tag... hmm...

Blaze was over tonight. She had an overall bad day, most of her days are bad it seems, and that's why if I can even make her smile, or forget about her worries for a little while it's a good thing.

I'm unhappy. I feel like I have no friends and I feel like Blaze is shutting me out and life has no purpose and I don't care enough to do well in the required courses that aren't fun and so on and so forth till the end of time as I can see it and I just don't know how to break out of this trap. I admit that I'm very quiet and that's probably one of my main problems. I can hang around with people because of Blaze but I'm still at a point where I can't spent time with them alone. I'm more comfortable around girls anyways and Blaze keeps leaving me alone with Mawce hoping that we'll talk and stuff I guess and it's not that I don't want to or even that it's a bad idea it's just that I'm very uncomfortable around people that I don't know, especially when I feel like I'm in an inferior position. For example Mawce is smarter then me and has more friends and he knows it I think and it intimidates me. An example of where I can be slightly more at ease is at work when someone new comes along. They are younger, don't know as much, female and to them I am someone to ask question, someone that knows stuff and that power gives me what I need to be able to get personal and be friendly. I don't that makes me a pussy assed loser and such but that';s the way things stand and as much as I want them changed, it hasn't happened yet. I'm better then I was but I have a long way to go.

Wow, that much be one of my longer entries, I'm sorry... wait I shouldn't be apologizing, this is my spot and I can talk as I please, I don't even know if anyone other then blaze reads me. Maybe these randomm thoughts are getting more coherent becase I'm forcing myself to update more often, perhaps not, at any rate it's good typing practice and it makes Blaze happy. It's feels good to me too. I used to be very good at just ranting on for pages in my writing, because everything ties to something else that can be said and yet why can't I transfer this skill to my speech? Who knows, maybe I can. I'm not shy when I write, though often I hide. One thing that I've learned is that being around depressed people, even if they have good intentions, can be really depressing. Who knew? hmm

Anyways, I'd love to rant more but I don't think that I'm going to. All I can say is that keeping secrets is totally unfair to so many people and so ultimately disastrous that it's just stupid and the sooner it stops the better!!!!!

Goodnight

-Allanon