The Druid's Keep

I miss him. He's going through a lot lately. He has cancer, for those of you who don't know. I believe my first entry to this diary coincided with my first finding out. It's in his bladder. He keeps trying things, and it keeps coming back. The first time, it was a simple day surgery. Then when it came back, another day surgery with a chemical wash. He started to get really into naturepathic stuff to try to help and it seemed to be working. Now, he's in Ontario, making his new life with his new girlfriend (both of them just divorced) and in the Hospital. Bladder removed, they made him a new one out of his small intestine. Prostate gone and also when they opened him up they found some in his leg and removed that, so he has trouble walking now.

My uncle died of Bladder cancer not long ago.

I feel like I should be worried for myself, or at least wroried for dad, but to be honest, either I can't imagine him dying or if he did, I'm not sure how it would go, I feel removed from him for some reason, i love him and all but growing up, I didn't really start to get to know him until just before he moved. That and I'm stupidly unemotional, or at least if I have emotions they have been squashed, so I didn't really feel bad about him gettting cancer, or divorced, or moving to Ontario. A little bit resentfull, and worried perhaps, but I tend to forget about him during day to day life, and just think about him when I read his letters.

I seems to me that making friends should be easy - just find someone that looks interesting and introduce yourself and take it from there... so why don't I have friends? Everyone I know, I met through someone else - usually Blaze. I love the people I know, I just wish I weren't so dreadfully shy around them all..

-allanon