The Druid's Keep

My my... Aren't people just in wonderfull moods tonight...

Which is odd to me because though I am normally not the happiest person by any means, I was in a fairly good mood, because after about 10 hours I'm finally done my programming assignments, and it was all good and everything worked out nicely, I didn't have to do any real debugging at all, I just wrote it, fixed the few minor typing mistakes it cought and voila - it just worked, this relatively complex program - about 500 lines of code in 4 files and it just all works like it's supposed to - for me that's not common, usually I have a bunch of odd logic errors all over the place, maybe I'll turn into a decent programer after all..

Enough of this..

Most people don't know me for shit. That's because I don't talk. Despite the fact, even though I feel at the very outskirts of everybodies thoughts and don't even know if people bother reading this - though I think you guys do, since this is the only place that I REALLY communicate, or at least I would like to think so. I'm sorry that I don't update more often, usually when I do, it's after I've read all of you guys and have to write something myself, or sometimes I just have random thoughts.

I try not to 'preach' to people, I know how much they hate it. In my experience, telling someone who sees life as not worth living a bunch of reasons why life is so great just makes them mad. I personally have had my moments when everything seems fucked up, there is no hope, too much stress, everyone hates me and what the hell is the point anyways? But sometimes I feel great too. I don't know how life works, but for me, I'm happiest when I'm around people that make me feel worthwhile. Basically if someone I don't really know says something about me or talks to me, I feel great because I'm constantly convinced that I'm esentially invisible and boring and why would anyone be intereseted in me?

Blaze, Mawce, Darqueangel, Nikolaos, deadlypoison, Monkeypants. Like it or not, I consider you to be friends and I want to get to know all of you better. I don't know some of you very well at all but I do care.

and once again...

mawce: I think you're the coolest. Paintball, runes, tarot, DDR and computer stuff. I'd love to learn it all from you. I my mind you are the master, as if you hold the secret of the universe somewhere in that room of yours, and something deeper in the depth of your mind, you intrigue me and that's saying something.

Blaze: Well, I love you because you are so wonderfull with me and I want to spend my time with you, it feels wrong and kind of wierd when we are seperated, but more then familiarity holds us together. I still want to learn the secrects you hold and discuss them, and talk and write and suck. I know you're stresed lately and I'm sorry that I've been a jerk lately, but I do love you.

DarqueAngel: You are one of the nicest people I know. I want to know you better so I can talk to you better because you have a lot to you that I still don't know, and It's just nice to be around you, you're very caring and considerate and more I'm sure.

Nikolaos: I don't know too much about you but I think you are like me at least to a degree, though obviously you are more popular since everyone likes you and you probably don't think that you're anything at all like me, but I do want to get to know you too. I'm a little intimidated since I'm just some lowlife and you are out of my league to my eyes, though you are very much more 'real' then you first appear, though'cute' is not a word that I would describe you with. Maybe 'confident and beutiful', or so you seem to me.

Deadlypoison: you're probably the most exciting person I know, I'm not sure why, just the things you do, the way you walk, and talk and dress. You always seem ready for an adventure, you want to do something crazy. You seem to live in the moment all the time. But I know there's more to you then that, obviously, from your diary. Is your act for the benefit of your friends or to keep pesky people who want to 'help' away? I hope you stick around, you're briliant, wonderfull, pretty, exciting and well... I dunno just fun I guess, but smart too, really smart, and it's nice to have someoen around that'll do crazy stuff, I can never find people to do crazt stuff with and so I've become boring but I used to be really crazty you probably don't see it, but there was a time when I most certainly was NOT shy at all

Monkeypants: I know you least well, but you like star trek, so how could we not get along? :)

Of course this is all fine and good, but here I sit and no matter what I think now, I know that it will probably stay that way. Me sitting around, not initiating anything, being the hermit that I am and slowly losing my contacts. Before this year at HP, I had very few friends.

My best memories from the summer are the times when we got together. The cruise, the tresury BBQ, a couple of times at Stephs house, Shakespeares greatest fights, the fireworks, just visiting the front gate, and so on.

I know I'm a wanabe but please don't judge me too harshly, I don't open up very often.

I need to get to bed, I've been writing for 40 minutes I just realized.

Is it odd that this entry is not really about me, but more kinda to all of you?

Well if you made it this far, thanks for reading!

night

-Allanon