The Druid's Keep

I'm in one of those moods where I think about the bigger picture and where I fit into it. Honestly I want to be important, I want to be recognized, I would love to be the best at something. I'm smart and I'm having a ton of fun at school and I know that I could really do amazing things if I didn't hold myself back. But I do hold myself back, I procrastinate, I tend to leave the less interesting wark to the last minutes. I get really good marks but I know they could sometimes be better. I would love to go somewhere more prestigous the UofC for schooling - like MIT but I won't because I don't have the drive to apply, move away from home and everything I know, make the money, get the good enough grades and everything else, to do it. And my whole life is like that. I don't try hard enough to do stuff with friends or even make friends, or get a job that I don't hate, or actually apply my smarts and talents to make things better for myself. If I really wanted to make a lot of money, I could find a way that wouldn't involve working at Kernels Popcorn. But honestly I'm just too lazy.

Luckily, I am getting better, at least with school. I think my main problem is my inability to talkt o people. If I can get past being shy, my other problems will go away - or at least be easier to deal with.

The only problem is that it's not that easy - only shy people will understand this. I just need to find a group of people that are interested in the same things as me and accept me and then spend time with them. Shouldn't be that hard - I am surrounded by computer geeks at school all the time after all. Oh well..

Anyways I need to get to bed,

goodnight

-Allanon